In episode 5 of the podcast, I kicked off a three-part series of the three most important lessons I’ve been learning as I work to build a career and home-life that I love. Last week, we talked about the importance of flexing our possibility muscle, learning to see possibility in everything and architect the results we want by asking Imagination Questions.
Today, I’m going to talk about a super important concept that I think women in particular need to embrace:
Go to bat for yourself the way you do for your kids.
My mom is the Ultimate Greatest-Of-All-Time Mama Bear. She, like many of us, boldly and bravely raises all kinds of hell on behalf of her peeps, but doesn’t always stand up for herself that same way.
A few years ago, GG (my grandma) had to have hip surgery and as a part of her recovery, she ended up spending some time in a rehabilitation center. Unfortunately, there were some aspects of the care there that were absolutely not acceptable. After addressing it directly with the night nurse who was responsible for GGs care and getting nowhere, my mom – Sue Sharp – raised some hell. Phone calls were made, up the tree, up the ladder, meetings were held, there was NO REST until the situation was resolved.
The very same Sue Sharp who raised hell to get GG the right care for her recovery after hip surgery did not ask for a raise for almost a decade.
Why is it NOT OKAY for somebody to treat our kids, parents, partners or pets in a certain way, but WE WILL TOLERATE THAT SAME BEHAVIOR?
And then, there’s the worry.
We worry about what people will think of us if we stand up for ourselves.
We worry that we’ll be considered full-of-ourselves if we put our names in for that promotion.
We worry that the relationship will end if we demand a different level of treatment.
We all could afford to find new ways to advocate for the life and career that we are worthy of! So, I’m going to give you a formula to use whenever you’re facing a “go to bat for yourself” situation.
When I started my own business last year, I had all kinds of angst about “selling” myself. I believe in the work I do. I know that I HELP businesses and I know that I am really good at what I do, but making the shift from selling somebody else’s business/products/services to selling MYSELF took some work. These two exercises made all the difference for me, and you can use them in your life and your career.
The first I learned from Dori Clark in her book, “Entrepreneurial You.” She has a formula for pricing yourself, and it is:
Fear + 10%
In other words, what is a number you consider to be a little audacious? Add 10% to that number and go to bat for yourself.
What this forces you to do is actually FACE that scary number, put it on paper. ADDING 10% to that number makes you shoot higher than you’re afraid to shoot, and THAT stretches those “go to bat for yourself” muscles. Every time you do this, you get braver and stronger. And the braver and stronger you get, the more impact you can make.
Challenge #1. What’s something you’re afraid to face? Write down your fears, then add 10% to the thing you’re afraid to do and take the leap.
We’ve all gotten that late night phone call from a friend, or done the end-of-day download with our spouse. You know the one? The friend calls and shares a drama… maybe a mistreatment at work, or something is going wrong with their relationship, or with their kids. Your hubby is telling you about a flub at work and how they’re feeling about it.
And you open your mouth to give advice and as it is coming out of your mouth you realize, this is probably advice I could afford to take for myself!
Be on the lookout for these moments. Write them down. Listen to how fiercely you are standing up for the well-being of somebody else, how you are advocating for them, and the solutions you can see that they are too deep in it to see.
If you’re into journaling (like I am) you might also try writing about a situation you’re facing, but writing it from the perspective of somebody else. Imagine you are giving this fictional character advice. When you remove your frame from the situation, you might just “SEE POSSIBILITIES” you hadn’t before.
I’m challenging you to go to bat for yourself the way you do for your kids, for your older parents, for your best friends or your spouse. Be your own advocate to create the life you deserve!