Anybody else feeling overwhelmed as we head into the busy holiday season?

*Raises hand*

A few months ago, as I was discussing the addition of this podcast creation and management into my already jam-packed schedule, my husband volunteered to take the kids on a Sunday afternoon so I would have a quiet house to myself for recording.

I objected.

“I don’t want to miss a Sunday afternoon with our kids!” I protested.

“Erica, you can’t do everything,” was Zeb’s response.

And I was struck by the fact he is profoundly right, in at least two ways.

You can’t do everything, or you’ll burn out and be unable to do anything.

You can’t do everything; if you add something to an already full plate, something else has to be taken off.

I can’t do everything. I have to ask for help.

So I’m starting to make asking for help an actual weekly practice. It’s part of my planning for the week ahead, and I’d love for you to join in. On the podcast today I share some practical ways to build up that “ask for help” muscle so that you can focus on the work that is uniquely your calling to do.

Start by making a weekly to do list.

I have daily to-dos, but that problem with them is that daily to do lists tend to make me reactive. Then I’m in survival mode, and I don’t have time to ask for help or the help I ask for will be harder to come by (and I might ask in a bitchy way which is a recipe for disaster).

Armed with your to do list, now ask these questions (I learned this from Kate Northrup’s Do Less by the way):

Does this have to be done?

Does it have to be done by me?

The “Does it have to be done by me?” is a great place to find things to ask for help on.

Who to ask:

As a married lady trying to build an empire with her hubby, this is a practice I want to start doing more regularly with Zeb. When we do it, the week goes smoother, I’m a happier mama, he’s a happier man, and there are fewer surprises which means we can be more present with our kids when we are all together.  I’m making this my Sunday date night and setting aside an hour after the kids go to bed to just go through this with my husband. Maybe this could be your Monday morning coffee. If you live with your partner or spouse or significant other, introduce this idea now. Make it fun and special, not a chore. Dream and plan together, don’t just make and compare a list of to dos.

But what about all my single peeps?

Take a look at who has offered you help in the past. Who have you helped out in the past? Friends, neighbors, parents, near-by relatives, coworkers, these are all part of your tribe and your tribe will become that much more tight knit if you get in the practice of asking for (and giving!) help.

What if you don’t have a tribe? Then it might be time to find one. What are a few ways that you can expand your social circle and build new connections to strengthen your network of people to call on and who will gladly help? Think about your interests, the people who you WANT to surround yourself with. Where are they hanging out?

How to ask:

Graciously. Frontload the appreciation. And frontload the why. For instance, if you want to take a night class to learn a new skill and need babysitting help, let whoever you’re asking know what it’s for. People will be so much more willing to help you when they know they’re contributing to something bigger.

Specifically. Ask for what you need help with, by when, so that whoever you’re asking knows what they’re getting into when they say yes to you.

And without expectation. If they can’t help, don’t take it personally. Their limitations aren’t about you. And don’t throw up your hands and say “That’s what I get for wanting to write a book / take the class / see that incredible life-changing speaker at the library! The universe is against me.” Instead, thank them for considering and move on to the next person on your list.

I am working on this more diligently this week, because I have BIG goals for 2020 and I want to finish 2019 strong. I literally had a dream where Gary Vaynerchuck told me I was going to drown in all the things I’d set out to do. And he was crying for me.

I was like, “Challenge accepted” and told everybody on social media that I’m starting a non-profit next year. And guess what, people came out of the woodwork to ask how they could help. And guess what else, I’m going to take as much of that help as I can use.

The challenge this week:

RIGHT NOW: block out at least 1 hour and maybe more like two to do a weekly planning session for yourself. If you’re married or living with your S.O. then talk to them today about participating.

After you’ve made your initial weekly list, ask yourself:

Does this NEED TO BE DONE?

Does it need to be done by me?

And bonus: does it need to be done right now?

From the “does it need to be done by me” list, find three things to ask for help with THIS WEEK. Yes, this week. And the following week, double it to six. The more you start asking for help, proactively, specifically, graciously, and without expectation, the more you’ll be able to accomplish with the time you have. I’m doing it this week too, so let’s report back on social media so share challenges, wins, and root each other on. Heck maybe we’ll find some of the help we’ve been looking for when our community comes together.

I start this podcast saying I AM OVERWHELMED. I am not a mom guru, business guru, or wife guru. The one thing I can confidently say I’m kicking ass at is never giving up. I’ll keep doing my best so that my best gets better. And I’ll share with you what I’m trying that’s working, and I’ll get all up in the trenches with you when you’re overwhelmed.

You’ve got this. Go ask for help, because that help is going to free you up to do the big things you’re capable of.