*** Read this. Spend time journaling on the prompts. Listen to this on repeat if you need a pep talk. It’s all my ramblings from a very emotional Mother’s Day and I hope that some of it brings you clarity and inspiration, hope and a feeling of being seen.***

You are kicking so much ass. 

And you just deserve to hear that from somebody today. 

Tell YOURSELF you’re kicking so much ass. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it to your reflection. 

It’s okay if being a Mom was all you ever wanted, AND you feel disenchanted with it 90% of the time.

It’s okay if being a Mom was all you ever wanted, and you sometimes lose your temper.

It’s even okay if being a Mom was all you ever wanted, and every now and then you wonder what life would be like if you didn’t have those kids you dreamed of.

Give yourself permission to remember who you were before you were a Mom.

Or if you feel indulgent with that, I’ll give you permission. In fact, I’ll make it required.

Remember what it was like when the most important needs you were concerned with were your own?

Go a little deeper. What is one need of yours that you could decide to be concerned about right now? That you could choose to make a priority… right now?

DO IT. Make that need a priority, even if it is just a small gesture and not a radical life overhaul. 

Remember what it was like to chase dreams without contingencies? 

No? Me neither sometime. But indulge in that for a minute. If you weren’t a Mom, what would you do?

I heard Liz Gilbert once say, while discussing the loss of the love of her life, that there was a life that she could only have with her love, and there is a life that could only have without her love. 

Maybe that’s a little depressing, but it’s also empowering. Because if you can realize the life you get right now because you have kids is a choice, you can choose to make it epic. And if there are things you would do in that other life… ask yourself, is the reason you aren’t doing those things because of your kids? Or are you using your kids as an excuse because you’re afraid to go for it… whatever it is.

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up for the answers. Indulge in them, guilt-free.

Motherhood is so much about putting somebody else at the front of the line, at the top of your list. I found myself spending this Mother’s Day wanting to indulge in the special treatment I was receiving but also trying to balance that with giving the mother’s in my life special treatment, and not wanting to do one at the sacrifice of the other… 

Always mommin’ once you start.

So let’s go back to before you started. Who were you before you were a Mom? What did you absolutely love to do, that you find yourself not doing as often, now that other people are so dependent on you.  What are some things you do that make you feel YOU? 

Did you go dancing?

Did you sleep in past 7 am?

Did you read magazines on a blanket in the park without any care for pick up or drop-off times?

Did you go shopping without anything specific you needed to buy?

Did you redecorate your bathroom, refinish old furniture from the Goodwill, did you make painstakingly curated playlists and burn them to CDs?

Was that just me?

Make a list of the things you do that make you feel like YOU. Make your ‘JOY List’ and look at how many of those things you can still do.

Now, make space for yourself. Just a little space that’s for you, absent that Mom identity. 

What kind of Mom are you?

What kind of Mom do you want to be?

Not ‘What kind of Mom do you want to be seen as.’

What kind of Mom do you actually want to be. How do you want to show up as the Mother of your kids?

What’s the difference? Is there any? 

Give yourself credit for how much you do. Give yourself as MUCH credit for how much you decide NOT to do. 

Make time to give yourself credit EVERY DAY for your Mom choices. Both the yes-es and the nos.

What experiences do you want to have with your kids?

Make a list of all the adventures you want, grand adventures, day-to-day adventures, the adventures you can make of the mundane. 

Rewrite it in fancy handwriting and put it somewhere you’ll see it on occasion. Make time for some adventures.

Listen momma, you don’t have to do any of this.

You don’t have to make your kids dinner if you don’t want to today, either.

What’s astounding is that you have changed the world by having a child. Every single one of those kids are making an unmistakable and unique contribution to society, they’re changing the very course of history because they are here, and they wouldn’t be here with out you. YOU DID THAT.

YOU ARE AMAZING, Mama. You’re a badass.

And here’s your permission slip to resent it on occasion, to cherish it simultaneously, to wrestle with the hot and cold of it or even with the lukewarm of it. We can make things very complicated, but the simplest of the simple, that I want you to cling to if you ever need it, is this:

NOBODY CAN MOM THOSE KIDS LIKE YOU CAN.

YOU ARE THE BEST MOM FOR THOSE KIDS, GIVING THEM WHAT YOU CAN.

Never doubt that your best is good enough. It’s MORE than enough. YOU are more than enough. 

Work hard. Mom harder (because momming really is harder!). LOVE hardest, on those beautiful babies and especially on yourself…. And know that you’ve already changed the world.